************ Wedding Sermon on Romans 12:9-13 ************
By: Rev. Adrian Dieleman
This sermon was preached on July 19, 2001
Romans 12:9-13
Eric & Kim, your wedding text speaks of love. What can we say about this love that joins the two of you together? Seeing that the two of you are into teaching, I thought it appropriate to share with you some words about love written by students in 3rd and 4th grade.
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Title: Why People Fall in Love
WHY DO PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE?
-"One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." Andrew, age 6
-"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell ... That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." Mae, age 9
-"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." Manuel, age 8
WHAT IS FALLING IN LOVE LIKE?
-"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." Glenn, age 7
-"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." Bart, age 9
HOW DO YOU MAKE LOVE ENDURE?
-"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." Dick, age 7
-"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." Dave, age 8
Wouldn't it be nice if love was as simple as these students say and think? Unfortunately, love involves a lot more than this.
The Greek word for love in your wedding text is "agape." This is a "giving" love. It is a love which impels one to sacrifice for the benefit of the other person. This love seeks to give rather than to get. Agape love keeps on loving even when the other person doesn't respond; agape love keeps on loving without asking for anything in return.
On this your wedding day nothing seems more natural than agape love – to give of yourself, to sacrifice for the benefit of the other person.
Agape love is so easy to pledge. On the wedding day and during the honeymoon and the first weeks or months of marriage both of you, I am sure, will strive to give this love. But you will not always find it to be so easy and natural to give this love. There are a number of reasons why I say this.
First, we are sinners. We are sinners filled with evil, hate, lust, greed, envy, malice, anger, discord, selfish ambition, and the like. All of these prevent us and hinder us from always having and showing agape love.
Second, there are also personality traits and habits we have that make agape love difficult. For instance, Eric, remember what you confessed in my office: that you sometimes are far too competitive while Kim couldn't care less whether she wins or loses? And Kim, remember how you sometimes irritate Eric by being late for things? Stuff like this can strain agape love.
Third, we find ourselves living and working in a world which focuses on the self rather than the other. Self-centered, self-fulfillment, self-pleasure, self-glory – these all characterize the modern man and woman. This too does not help the cause of agape love.
Fourth, our lives today are so busy. We rush around all week with work, church, kingdom, recreation. Sometimes, all this makes us too busy to find time for agape love.
Ordinarily I wouldn't hold up a Hollywood superstar or a supermodel as people we can learn from. But I did come across something which illustrates why agape love is so difficult.
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During a panel discussion on communication problems between the sexes supermodel Cindy Crawford told the following story:
Because of an ulcer, she preferred hot chocolate in the morning to coffee. Gere's favorite beverage was tea. One morning, thinking he was doing her a favor, he brought her a cup of tea. She got in his face and blasted out an obscenity, followed by, "Haven't you noticed all this time that I don't drink tea? You do."
How tragic. He thought he was being kind; she took it as an insult.
Source: People Magazine October 14, 1996. P. 49
The Biblical command "to love" may be simple, but it isn't easy. So, I want to challenge you, Eric & Kim, to constantly find ways to seek the good of the other person. At the same time I am sure that you will strive to show this agape love to one another. I say this because of what you revealed to me in my office. I asked you to share with me your three best memories from your dating experience. Both of you mentioned the walk on the beach when you celebrated Thanksgiving with Eric's family. Both of you mentioned the first time the other person said, "I love you." Continue to take those walks and to say "I love you" to one another.
Love, agape love, Eric & Kim, is the starting point.
Now, I want you to notice what your wedding text builds on this foundation. It tells us that "Love must be sincere." This means agape love must be from the heart. It must be free from hypocrisy or pretense. It must be shown and given not for your sake but for the sake and good of the other person. Judas is probably the best example of an agape love that was not sincere: in the Garden of Gethsemane he came to Jesus and kissed Him (Mt 26:49). Jesus exposed the true nature of Judas' love when He said, "Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?" (Lk 22:48). It used to be that a great many couples made a big pretense of loving each other – in public anyway – while at home they fought like cats and dogs; we would have to say their love also is not sincere.
Notice what else your text says: "Hate what is evil; cling to what is good." By "evil" your text means what is "harmful, damaging, offensive, abusive." By "good" your text means what is "gentle, tenderhearted, kind." When we join this to agape love, we see that agape love strives, to the very utmost of its power, to avoid anything which is harmful, injurious, damaging, offensive, or abusive to the other person. Within the marriage relationship there is to be no physical, mental, verbal, or emotional abuse. Rather, both partners are to be gentle and tenderhearted towards each other.
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love." Here we see the use of another Greek word for love: philos. "Philos" is a "sharing" love. It is based on common interests, common attractions, and a close sharing of many things. Husband and wife are to spend time with one another, take walks on the beach with one another, and talk with one another.
"Honor one another above yourselves." Both partners are to take the lead in showing respect to and for the other person – especially in public.
It becomes clear, doesn't it, that agape love turns the heart away from yourself and to the other. People who marry in the Lord may trust that God will lead them and graciously provide for their needs when they follow this agape pattern for love.
Of course, only Jesus has ever truly succeeded in doing this. Listen to what John says about this:
(1Jn 4:10) This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
And, when we are in union with Jesus, when we have faith in Him and love Him and give our heart to Him, then the agape love of Jesus fills us and overflows us into the lives of those around us.